Becoming a Reconciling Disciple with Jeanette Boehm
As a New Venture Apprentice, you are given 3 questions as a guide: Who is God calling me to be? Where is God calling me to be? And to whom is God calling me? Throughout the past 2 years, I have been diving deep into these questions. Although the answers were right in front of me, it took me the 2 years to finally recognize and understand this through moving back to the community I was raised in, Drayton
My Christian life can be characterized by one word. Reconciliation. Reconciliation means to be brought back into a right relationship with God, self and others. The Greek word for reconciliation is Catallasso, which can be defined as an exchange of enmity with friendship and a deeper level of relationship based on identifying with the “other”. In our article Reconciling Disciples, Living Ecclesia wherever we go, my husband and I define reconciling disciples as:
“followers of Jesus who are reconciled with their creator, their own story of pain, suffering, and walked their journey of healing and restoration with those around them. Through this transformation process, they are then able to lead others to be reconciled with God and people around them – even be agents of transformation in their communities that need the ‘Good news of the kingdom of God’. Corporately understood as ecclesia, they understand what it means to be called to take responsibility for their communities.”
As a child I experienced the pain of bullying for many years in middle school. I struggled with mental health issues that led me to becoming unable to connect well with my family and community. After multiple suicide attempts, medication, and counselling, I dropped out of school and left home at the age of 15. This began a journey of two years of living in and out of the shelter system. These two years were incredibly painful, as I was continually exploited and abused. I spent years in addiction, numbing the traumatic experiences and desperately trying to grasp some form of identity after being forced to take on so many to simply survive.
After giving my life to Jesus in my late 20’s, God brought me on a radical journey of reconciliation with my family. Untold stories of my past became the space for healing and restoring of relationships. The wounding of family rejection became an opportunity for acceptance and love. As God taught me how to put on the shoes of my family members, through the great exchange that Catallasso implies, we walked through our journey of reconciliation together. It was during this time that I learned what reconciliation meant. The journey of reconciliation is messy, authentic, vulnerable, painful, real and redemptive. Although I wasn’t educated on the theology of reconciliation, I was living it. Through my husband, I learned about missiology and the theology of reconciliation. I understood this was my calling and the call of the Church, to be ambassadors of reconciliation. To live out the mission of Jesus to reconcile all things to himself. 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 states:
“ 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
The reconciliatory work of the cross not only brings us back into a right relationship with God, but also with ourselves, humanity, and creation. I had spent the past five years exploring my relationship with God, my local church community and the areas of Kitchener-Waterloo and Guelph where I had been abused. It was an incredible time of healing through his presence and his Church. I had reconciled with my family and was brought back into close relationships with them, relationships that are rich and flourishing. I had spent a few years in ministry at a local strip club sharing the gospel with those stuck in the sex industry, while also doing awareness and advocacy work. In my mind, I was living out what it means to be a reconciling disciple. I had been reconciled to God, myself and others. Little did I know that God had a mighty work still to do in my life.
We are so thankful for the generosity of God's people and the churches and organizations that support us, but there's one unexpected gift this past year that I'd like to highlight. Knowing our hearts and needs, my parents purchased a home in Drayton—my former hometown—with the intent of Manny and I renting it from them. What a generous, but complicated gift. I had spent my entire life running away from the town I was about to move back to. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit brought me to a place of surrender. A.B Simpson taught that sanctification is an ongoing process of spiritual transformation over the course of our life, as we continually submit ourselves fully to him. Through the reality of moving back to my roots, I realized I had many false narratives of a town and my historical connection to it. When our identity is linked to a narrative and not to God, we are not able to live out the calling He has for our lives. What began as a fearful surrender, developed into an unfolding of truth, healing and connection. I am continually experiencing the Greek term Catallasso, a great exchange. An exchange from one narrative to another, as God uproots rejection and replaces it with an ever-expanding community. This sanctification process has required such a deep level of surrender and faith in the face of sadness and fear. I have learned that every step forward he rewards. He meets us in the moments we cannot move forward with comfort and understanding. And whether we step forward or remain immovable he is always there with hope. The exchange comes in our willingness to step out in our discomfort and embrace the vulnerability that comes with being in community. Some days this discomfort came through the pain of past rejection so intense it seemed to cement me in an unmovable way. I could not seem to press forward because I feared so deeply that the past would become my present and my future.
Many questions haunted me: “What will they think of me coming back?” “Will they judge us?” “Will they reject our desire to be in community and partner in facilitating a fresh expression of faith?” “Will they misunderstand us?” “Will they use my past against us?” Often these fears would cement me in place, but each step forward was rewarded with a conversation that showed that fear was a lie. I find myself having to continually make the purposeful decision to face these fears for the lies they are and continue to move forward step by step. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments where I feel stuck, numb and in fear. But in those moments God is merciful and walks me through. He shows me hope and that hope gives me the courage to step out of the cement. With the encouragement and support of my husband, we continue to attend the local churches and meet with their pastors, visit community gatherings, and enlist in volunteer positions. Through this we have been invited to share at community events including youth groups, bible studies, and the local Christian school.
As we grow together in this community, each painful memory that resurfaces becomes an opportunity for healing through community. Conversations allow for stories to be told and truths to unfold. I can often see where my identity and tendency to isolate was formed through my fears of rejection, instead of the freedom Christ gives us to step out and explore community connections and unfolding relationships. A timely truth is if people are hurt in community, people heal in community.
As a response to the three questions, it is very clear who God is calling me to be, where and to whom. God has called me to continue to be a reconciling disciple. Reconciled to Him, my own story of suffering, and to my community around me. He has brought me through a long journey over the course of my Christian faith to reconciled with my story of abuse and addictions, the places my experiences occurred in, and with those who touched my life along the way. Yet, He is not finished. He has now brought my husband and I together, to a wonderful home in Drayton, in the middle of a unique community of believers and non-believers, as we seek to take responsibility for the flourishing of Drayton together.
I am so grateful for the past five months, but this process isn’t easy. As I have been exploring painful memories, old habits of numbing and self-protection have resurfaced while seeking to understand the reasons why these habits were formed. I am so thankful for how God is continuing to reconcile me through this community and through counselling. The more I expose these areas and live vulnerably and authentically, the more I connect to this community and show how desperately every one of us needs Jesus. Our hope is that this community will come to understand that we have not come to fix anything but rather to experience the saving grace of the love of God together while joining him in his desire to restore and make all things new.
I have come to realize that God has called me to Drayton as a reconciling disciple. As I wrap up my apprenticeship and look ahead to the new things Jesus is inviting us into, I am thankful for the clarity of God's call in my life and what He is asking me to do: To live a life purposefully committed to the Shalom mission of God, who, by his Spirit, transforms communities. Together, in community, we explore what it means to live out reconciled lives and build reconciled communities, through a New Venture: Love Drayton.